The Journal
by cassandane
Summary: Leia gets a glimpse of Han's childhood in this post RotJ challenge fic.


Another challenge fic from over at the Jedi Council Forums from October 2003. The requirements of this challenge were:

**Write about the first time Han told Leia about his childhood, or the first time Leia found out about Han's childhood**.

* * *

**The Journal**

Leia Organa Solo sighed as she continued pacing through the main room of the apartment she shared with Han. She held her arms folded across her chest and glanced yet again at the vid link on the wall. The knot in her stomach clenched even tighter when she looked at the offensive link's silence, blinking as if today was just like any other.

Leia's fingers squeezed against the flesh of her arms and with one last look at the vid link, she went out the door trying not to see the sympathetic look the NRI agents wore. Automatically she turned towards the lifts that would carry her to the roof top docking bay and to the Millennium Falcon. Two of the four guards followed her without a word.

As the lift opened to a view of the bay, Leia thought the _Falcon_ looked as forlorn as she felt and proceeded on to the ship as the wind whipped against her dogged footsteps

Cold seeped through her fingers as she placed her hand against the hull sensor authorizing her entry to the ship. With the ramp lowered, she went aboard and closed the hatch behind her, retreating into the _Falcon's_ dimly lit interior. This time though, she knew she couldn't expect the subject of her thoughts to be casually leaning against a bulkhead while she stood and allowed her eyes to adjust to the faint lighting in the powered down freighter.

Leia closed her eyes with a shaky breath as memories threatened to overwhelm her. She'd come here to be close to him, not to cry, not to mourn him. She would not mourn his life. She would not mourn her own with out him. Not today.

She continued to their cabin, his cabin and stood in the center of it's small space. Leia found herself drawn to the closet, seeking the comfort of familiar clothing. She reached a trembling hand to one of his characteristic white shirts, trailing her fingertips lightly down the shirt sleeve soft with age. She drew it near, remembering his smell, the one she won't find here today.

Leia sank down to the bottom of the closet and sat on its raised floor, pulling Han's shirt down with her as she leaned against the door jam as something further back in the closet dislodged and landed on the deck next to her.

Still holding Han's shirt close, Leia reached to pick up the fallen item, discovering it was an old flip style recording device that was commonly used as a journal. She rubbed a hand across it's worn maroon cover and flipped it open. She jumped in spite of herself when something fluttered out to land on the decking next to her feet.

Retrieving the item, she discovered that it was a hardcopy printout. The image was of her and Han on Hoth and she was smiling at him as he looked up at her. She remembered that day, she had been sitting on a crate in the hanger waiting to have a meeting with with the lead tech regarding perimeter sensors when Han had happened by. He had paused to check the binding on his boot, kneeling next to her and for some reason he had chosen to stay and he was charming instead of infuriating. Leia smiled in spite of herself with the memories of their days on Hoth. Neither she nor Han could admit that the source of their frustrations were also the only ones who could cure it. Well, maybe Han knew, or at least he figured it out before she did, Leia acknowledged.

Leia set the copy aside and thumbed the switch on the journal. She heard a female wookiee narrating the entry. Leia found that if she concentrated, she could pick up most of what was being said and that it was indeed someone's personal log.

She absently wondered if this were actually something that belonged to Chewbacca and not Han at all when the entry changed from a list of daily activities as recited by the wookiee to an excited burst of energy from a young sounding human male.

Leia heard laughing from the youth and some speech, but was unable to translate his words.

"_Slow down Han and speak basic. You know I don't follow Corellian well" _

"_Sorry 'Lanna,"_ the boy said, still laughing _I forgot. _

"_Now, what is it that you have to tell me? It must be exciting news for you to come to the galley before your shift is to begin. Did you make your quota so early?" _the wookiee asked.

"_Better than that, I won the Gornic! I got first in the race. Garris even gave me the rest of the day off but I'll still help with dinner if you want." _

"_Congratulations cub. I will miss your company, but I will not need your help this one night." _

"_You shoulda seen it 'Lanna, I beat out everyone and then afterwards the prize was given by a real princess! She smelled just like those erulia flowers that grow on the shore by the market. "_ The boy's enthusiasm brought a smile to Leia's lips and though she'd never before imagined Han as a child in any detail, suddenly she had a clear picture of him, force enhanced no doubt. _"After the princess gave me the prize money, she kissed me. Garris must've won a lot of credits today 'cause he told me to disappear for the rest of the cycle." _

"_What will you do with your free time?" _the wookiee 'Lanna asked.

"_I'm gonna climb the spire." _

"_Be cautious, Han. That is a big climb, even for you." _

"_Ahhh, I'll be careful. 'Sides, this time I'll have plenty of light,"_ he said. He called a farewell from further off and was gone.

The wookiee sighed, and the recording stopped.

Leia replayed the journal and scanned the device for any other entries, but found none. This elusive look into the childhood of her bondmate answered few questions and sighing herself, Leia stood and went to the bunk on the other side of the cabin. She crawled in, bringing the recorder and printout with her.

"Come back to me Han. Please, come back to me." she said as the tears began to fall.

Leia slowly woke, realizing she was still aboard the falcon. She had fallen asleep on the bunk in their cabin and she felt safe and warm as she snuggled deeper into Han's embrace. He moaned softly in his sleep as she stirred against him.

_What the?_

Leia's eyes snapped open and her heart raced against her ribs. She tried to twist around and sit up in the bunk at the same time only to hear an undignified squawk and a thud on the deck.

"Lights!" Leia called out as she scrambled to her knees, blinking against the brightness.

On the deck next to the bunk was Han Solo with an arm thrown over his eyes. "Kreth* Leia," then, "lights: low."

"Han?"

"Hiya sweetheart." He peered at her from under his arm, one eye still squeezed shut.

"Han," she scrambled down from the bunk and launched herself at him. Leia held him, trying to make up for all the times that she let him go.

They remained in their embrace until Han pulled her onto his lap, kissing the top of her head as he settled his arms around her. "You're a difficult woman to get ahold of," he said.

She drew back to look him in the eye.

"I tried linking in," he said, "once the comms were back online. To let you know I was on my way back home."

It tugged at Leia to hear him say the word 'home' and she twined her fingers with his. "What happened out there? NRI suspected you were lost in hyper. They...they said I shouldn't hold out much hope. They-" Leia's throat tightened up as she drew a sobbing breath. "They said the odds of anyone surviving, let alone being found again-"

Leia had been furious when they first told her the news. Han had left on what was supposed to be a quick test flight. Han had volunteered to take the prototype "for a spin" when it's regular pilot had fallen ill. He had promised Leia he'd be home in time for dinner. That was over three days ago.

"Shhh, sweetheart, I'm alright. Besides, never tell me the odds, huh?" Han stroked her back slowly. "NRI wasn't far off, though. That prototype drive gave out, dropping us to sublight but it also drained the power cells down to nothing. We were even without life support until the cells recharged. I couldn't even try to link."

"I was so scared, Han"

"Me too," he said against her hair, "me too."

Leia reached a hand up to his face, trailing her fingertips across his features, before leaning in to kiss him gently. "I love you," she said against his lips. "Welcome home."

*apologies to Carolyn Golledge


End file.
